I'm Baaaack.... Too Bad For You. :P

After a week and a half of basically having no computer (many thanks to Norton's internet suite and its habit of corrupting WinXP...) the necessary hardware has been installed and I'm back online in my own dark dungeons of apocalyptic, anti-social paranoia...

• Carla and the DQ got back from Vegas. No reports yet on whether the city is still there or not.
• Got the new Cavalera Conspiracy CD. (I finally admit it - I am such a music junkie that I'll never stop...even if it means living in a tent and using my house as a storage unit for music...) Anyway, "Inflikted" is SWEET. Vicious, pummeling, rage-filled straight-ahead metal. This will be spinning in my stereo for months and months to come.
• If it's raining frozen crap down in L.A. soon, well, don't say you haven't been warned. I'll probably post the whole sick story (and the $48.6 Million Monturf Challenge as well)... if I get ambitious enough...
• I'm gonna burn Provo to the ground yet. Damn zoobie drivers.
  

I have more rants and rumblings... but I'm tired (long, long week) and a hot plate of drugs and vodka await me while I watch Death Of A Tyrannical Chicken King on IFC...

Whatever...

Guess I'll post something weird at some point again... if my back will stop hurting... if I feel like it... if I stop watching "My Name is Earl" long enough to do it... if I ever get my own computer fixed so I'm not down in the dungeon on my dad's computer...

The hell with it. I don't feel like doing anything. Maybe I'm just tired and grouchy. Maybe it's the aching back. I don't know.

Another evening of black moodiness...

"are you listening
am i here screaming?
drowning in a silent sea
or only dreaming?

drifting in and out
his mind never rests
lying in shadows
replaying a thousand regrets

can you hear me
am i getting through?
a million miles away
or here beside you?...

...and i know we're not children any more
innocence lost in a sea of gray
but i often wonder what else could be
and i still dream of running away

so where do we begin
and what else can we say?
when the lines are all drawn
what should we do today?..."

- Fates Warning

Saturday, Sweet Saturday

Saturday, March 15th. 7:24 am.

As Atlanta gets swept out to sea (rumors say the ghost of General Sherman was seen running through the streets screaming, "Back to finish the job, you southern bastards!") ... I'm sipping unholy sugar waters. Playing Faith No More. Loudly. Oh, yeah...

Been a while since I did any musical musings. So, if I haven't done it before (probably have, but who ever checks archives?)...

Dave's Favorite Live Albums

Iron Maiden - Live After Death
Iron Maiden - Live At Donnington
Rush - Rush In Rio
Rush - Different Stages
Deep Purple - Made In Japan
Dream Theater - Live At Budokan
Sepultura - Under A Pale Grey Skey
Slayer - Decade Of Aggression
Testament - Live In London
Overkill - Wrecking Your Necks Live
Overkill - Wrecking Everything
Savatage - Ghost In The Ruins
Scorpions - Tokyo Tapes
Ray Wilson - Live
King's X - Live All Over The Place
Joe Satriani - Live At San Francisco

I know that's not all of them... I'll think of more when I'm running down the street tossing empty Pepsi cans at people and shouting, "beware of the Tibetian Rapping Monk conspiracy!"

M-YAC is back

Hey there parents,

Dreading another summer with those damned teenage kids running around the house, driving you insane and causing all the hairs on your body to fall off?

Good news. The Monturf will shortly be starting up his Monturf Youth Auxiliary Camp again this spring. This year - through the miracle of wheel-less tricycles hooked to giant centrifuges - we'll be using all that needless youthful exuberance to churn butter into wheat.

Yeah, you heard right. And if you think that's not possible, you haven't seen our patented "encouragement management techniques" at work. We guarantee the little hoodlums will spin those centrifuges around fast enough to turn butter into wheat.

The wheat, of course, will be sold at ridiculously high prices to starving third world countries affected by famine, tsunamis, hurricanes and earthquakes.

By the end of the summer, your bouncy, jubilant and oh-so-obnoxious teen will be reduced to a baggy-eyed skeleton who only wants to sleep 22 hours a day - thus assuring that you, Oh Good Parent, are freed from the hideous responsibility of having to deal with them.

So, for a profitable and teen-free summer, call 1-800-DIE-KIDS for the M-YAC Summer Back Crack Attack special.

Saturday Afternoon Babblings...

My brain coughed up a bunch more sick stuff at the Monturf's. Some of them are pretty much unmentionable. Others, like the Half-Crapper-Master, are just very wrong and I think I'll refrain from mentioning on this blog. (Geez, exercising restraint? What's wrong with me? I must have a brain tumor or something...)

I'm taking my truck in to get a train horn and bazooka with rapid-auto reload installed this weekend. Oh, the Utah drivers shall die aplenty in the coming weeks.

If Hillary gets the Democratic nomination, it proves this country is too sick to be allowed to continue. Another civil war is in order. If she gets elected, America should be destroyed off the face of the earth.

The President of Venezuela, Hugo Chavez, is stupider than a lobotomized mongoloid chimp and uglier than Oprah's bastard child with Jesse Jackson. No wonder South and Central America keep wallowing in poverty and corruption. How moronic can people be to keep allowing ass-clowns like Chavez to live, let alone run the country? Then again, we've put up with King George for nearly eight years...fat, lazy, dumb Americans that we are... I guess that just goes back to my original thought - there's very little hope left for America.

On a brighter note, I've discovered a formula for making high yield explosives out of egg shells and green jello. Hello, San Andreas fault line. Goodbye, California. Rejoice, world.

And I'm still working on my death metal-disco-polka band project. It's going very slowly. It's very hard to find an accordion player who can play at that pace and still headbang with the blast beats, yet not die or be paralyzed by the end of the show.

Chill out, hip chicken thieves. Until later...

Enough Already

Driving home from work yesterday. 2:30 pm in the afternoon. And the freeway is already full. What the hell?

Don't even get me started on the transportation nightmare that is Memorial Day or Labor Day weekend.

Enough is enough. I hereby propose that anyone who has moved to Utah in the last five years should be killed. Immediately. Anyone who has moved from California to Utah in the last fifteen years should be killed. Immediately. With great violence.

Seriously. There are way, way too many people moving into Utah. They've ruined it. Pollution, traffic, California stupidity... I hate it.

Which brings me to my next point: The United States is overpopulated by at least one hundred million people. So - nuke the entire west coast, nuke the entire east coast and kill everyone in Mexico so they can't move up here... it would solve many, many problems.