Here's my list of worldly acquisitions for Loot'en Fest 2009:
1. AC/DC - Backtracks (CD/DVD)
2. Journey - Live in Manila (DVD)
3. Pelican - What We All Come To Need (CD)
4. Ghost Brigade - Isolation Songs (CD)
5. Monsters vs Aliens (DVD)
6. Mission of the Sharks (DVD)
7. The Human Condition Trilogy (DVD)
7. Zombie Christmas Carols
Plus an assortment of unholy foods and goodies.
But the most important part of my twelve-day vacation - SLEEP. The greatest gift of all.
Saturday, December 26, 2009
What We've Learned...
Howdy there, children.
Spent the afternoon at the Monturfmeigeryaister's Den of Inquity. Watched Die Hard 2. And gave birth to a new church - The Church of Apocalyptic Nookie. That's right.
The Church of Apocalyptic Nookie is based on the simple premise that when the end is near, most people feel the uncontrollable urge to copulate. The C.A.N. simply enables people to act on this urge by telling them that it's ok: simply climb to the highest point available on the landscape, while the meteors/nuclear missiles/etc fall from the sky, and get their freak on while they still can.
Within reason, of course - The C.A.N. doesn't condone barn-love (sorry, hillbillies) or fruity-love (sorry, San Francisco). Cousin-love is acceptable in the Carolinas and Utah. Anyone figuring to be by themselves when the end of the world hits should be prepared by purchasing one of our emergency inflatable dolls.
Besides forming a new church around the idea of frantic doomsday sex, we also found out that cranberry comes from dropping black people inside a powered up jet turbine (thanks, Die Hard 2.)
Spent the afternoon at the Monturfmeigeryaister's Den of Inquity. Watched Die Hard 2. And gave birth to a new church - The Church of Apocalyptic Nookie. That's right.
The Church of Apocalyptic Nookie is based on the simple premise that when the end is near, most people feel the uncontrollable urge to copulate. The C.A.N. simply enables people to act on this urge by telling them that it's ok: simply climb to the highest point available on the landscape, while the meteors/nuclear missiles/etc fall from the sky, and get their freak on while they still can.
Within reason, of course - The C.A.N. doesn't condone barn-love (sorry, hillbillies) or fruity-love (sorry, San Francisco). Cousin-love is acceptable in the Carolinas and Utah. Anyone figuring to be by themselves when the end of the world hits should be prepared by purchasing one of our emergency inflatable dolls.
Besides forming a new church around the idea of frantic doomsday sex, we also found out that cranberry comes from dropping black people inside a powered up jet turbine (thanks, Die Hard 2.)
Sunday, December 20, 2009
What the HELL!?
O-Ders 20, Brick-heads - 19.
WTF. How do you lose to a horrible team, with a mongoloid coach and a simpleton semi-evolved simian third string quarterback? At home. For the SECOND YEAR IN A ROW. The Broncos have absolutely NO business being in the playoffs. And they won't. They'll get destroyed by the Eagles next week and then probably struggle to beat the toothless Chiefs in the finale.
Won't matter. With five conference losses, the Broncos playoff hopes will rest on a bunch of obscure tie-breakers. If they're lucky.
I'm already gearing up for the offseason and the draft. (1) Overhaul offensive interior line. (2) Overhaul defensive interior line. (3) Replace senior citizens in secondary. (4) figure out how to run a #$^#$^@@#% red zone offense that doesn't look and operate like something a couple of retarded three year olds came up with in a sandbox.
WTF. How do you lose to a horrible team, with a mongoloid coach and a simpleton semi-evolved simian third string quarterback? At home. For the SECOND YEAR IN A ROW. The Broncos have absolutely NO business being in the playoffs. And they won't. They'll get destroyed by the Eagles next week and then probably struggle to beat the toothless Chiefs in the finale.
Won't matter. With five conference losses, the Broncos playoff hopes will rest on a bunch of obscure tie-breakers. If they're lucky.
I'm already gearing up for the offseason and the draft. (1) Overhaul offensive interior line. (2) Overhaul defensive interior line. (3) Replace senior citizens in secondary. (4) figure out how to run a #$^#$^@@#% red zone offense that doesn't look and operate like something a couple of retarded three year olds came up with in a sandbox.
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Ha Ha. Utes Blow...
I'm not the avid, fanatical follower of BYU football I used to be, but it does give me a big chuckle to see the Utes suffer another painful loss. They and their fans - what a bunch of crack-head, police blotter morons. Kyle Whittingham deserves better than dealing with a bunch of sniveling ingrates who all too quickly forget how bad their program used to be, and how close it was to being "lights out" for good before Ron McBride rescued them. Hopefully Kyle will move on to better things than coaching in a toilet bowl stadium for a bunch of loaded losers.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Sports... Why Do I Bother?
Argh. I didn't think the Broncos were going to go 14-2 or anything like that, but this collapse is inexcusable. Particularly getting slapped around at home by a couple of ho' bitch-teams like Pittsburgh or San Diego... very pathetic.
What gets me most of all is the lack of fight. At least take that frickin' Shawn "I Like To Assault Little Girls" Merriman and snap his neck around like a wet twig, or break Philip Rivers jaw in six places. Have a little pride. (And no, that's not the same as Coconut Boy from the Steelers - he goes low, like a junkyard dog... stand up and pop 'em in the skull like a man...)
At any rate, the Broncos (yes, I really jumped on the hype bandwagon a few weeks ago and totally overrated them, like everyone else) are finished. The best they can hope for is 8-8. I can see them beating Oakland and Kansas City at home, but that's it.
For next year -
1. New starting QB
2. Definitely a different backup if Orton is still the starter. Simms is worthless.
3. New center and right guard.
4. New defensive line (what else is new in Denver... haven't had a good DL since the late '90s...)
5. Upgrade secondary - they're older than Methuselah...
What gets me most of all is the lack of fight. At least take that frickin' Shawn "I Like To Assault Little Girls" Merriman and snap his neck around like a wet twig, or break Philip Rivers jaw in six places. Have a little pride. (And no, that's not the same as Coconut Boy from the Steelers - he goes low, like a junkyard dog... stand up and pop 'em in the skull like a man...)
At any rate, the Broncos (yes, I really jumped on the hype bandwagon a few weeks ago and totally overrated them, like everyone else) are finished. The best they can hope for is 8-8. I can see them beating Oakland and Kansas City at home, but that's it.
For next year -
1. New starting QB
2. Definitely a different backup if Orton is still the starter. Simms is worthless.
3. New center and right guard.
4. New defensive line (what else is new in Denver... haven't had a good DL since the late '90s...)
5. Upgrade secondary - they're older than Methuselah...
Friday, November 20, 2009
To Live Is To Die
Pantera sludge oozes from my stereo. Darkness feasts upon the shriveled tentacles of my mind. In the night, walking bark-monsters howl at non-existent moons.
Do, or do not. Squished like grape. What we have here is a failure to communicate.
And now a message from my spiritual mentor, Marvin.
"Now the world has gone to bed,
Darkness won't engulf my head,
I can see by infra-red,
How I hate the night.
Now I lay me down to sleep,
Try to count electric sheep,
Sweet dream wishes you can keep,
How I hate the night."
Amen, brother.
Do, or do not. Squished like grape. What we have here is a failure to communicate.
And now a message from my spiritual mentor, Marvin.
"Now the world has gone to bed,
Darkness won't engulf my head,
I can see by infra-red,
How I hate the night.
Now I lay me down to sleep,
Try to count electric sheep,
Sweet dream wishes you can keep,
How I hate the night."
Amen, brother.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
The Grump and His Cave, Edition 2
"The mega-lizard king haunts us all, unless we bring him pork and cheese."
- The Grumpy Old Man
Haiku Wisdoms-
Politico goat
Bleats nothing new today
Goat stew five dollah
The Grumpy Old Man Says:
- The Grumpy Old Man
Haiku Wisdoms-
Politico goat
Bleats nothing new today
Goat stew five dollah
The Grumpy Old Man Says:
- 'Tis better to stay hidden in the darkness, than be besieged by hundred of friend requests on Facebook. Facebook itself is a creature of darkness, eating our time and our minds. Beware, little Eddie, beware!
- It is far better a thing, to be the black sheep of the family, than some foolish popularity skank roaming about in falseness. For the false ones shall be confounded and left to die on forlorn rocks in the ocean, encrusted with ancient seagull droppings.
- Never invite a vampire to an underground BBQ without first consulting a zombie warlock. Never consult with a zombie warlock without first chewing off your own face. And never chew off your own face without first making a mold of it so that after all is said and done, you can reclaim your face. Unless you are Carrie Prejean. Your face is beyond hideous, and chewing it off is the best thing you can do.
- High school reunions are as pointless as external audio speakers on a spacecraft.
- Those who are eating out of the communal vegetable bowl as finger food are as bad-mannered as diseased yaks, and shall henceforth be treated as such.
Mutterings from a Drugged-Up Sunday
Blah. Head cold. Again.
Broncos lose, again. To the Deadskins, no less. Hello, another long, slow collapse and a 8-8 record. The Fruity-Homos of San Diego, division slugs once again. Philip Rivers kissing his own butt in front of the mirror. A drunken Shawn Merriman wandering the streets, beating the crap out of 4'11, 90 lb Asian girls. Business as usual.
I'm sure come playoff time, the Steelers will just have someone cheap-shot Carson Palmer again so they can advance. Probably it will be the sorry, no-account coconut plantation worker who plays safety.
I think it'll soon be time to drag out the Old Man from his cave, to share more of his bitter wisdoms with us.
Broncos lose, again. To the Deadskins, no less. Hello, another long, slow collapse and a 8-8 record. The Fruity-Homos of San Diego, division slugs once again. Philip Rivers kissing his own butt in front of the mirror. A drunken Shawn Merriman wandering the streets, beating the crap out of 4'11, 90 lb Asian girls. Business as usual.
I'm sure come playoff time, the Steelers will just have someone cheap-shot Carson Palmer again so they can advance. Probably it will be the sorry, no-account coconut plantation worker who plays safety.
I think it'll soon be time to drag out the Old Man from his cave, to share more of his bitter wisdoms with us.
Friday, October 30, 2009
What I Think...
Haven't been around to post much of my usual basura lately. Work, work and more work. Plus an anniversary. Plus the (probable) oink flu making the rounds through the household.
Here's what I think...
Here's what I think...
- The sequels to the original Psycho are actually quite good. Part Three gets a little weird in spots, but considering how badly most sequels to great films wind up being, these really are two little horror gems.
- Totally stoked to hear Overkill has another album coming out in January. I do wish D.D. would get another Bronx Casket Co project going...
- Listened to Flight 666 during much of work today. Geez, how good Iron Maiden is. They completely annihilate 99.9% of the so-called "bands" out there.
- Looking forward to Monturf coming over for Halloween festivities tomorrow. We plan on watching "The Blood Beast Terror". Sweeeet....
- Did I ever mention that most people are morons? Yeah? We'll, I'm gonna do it again. Most...people...are...morons.
- I'm sure 2012 will be a typical brain-dead CG-laden flick with bad acting and terrible dialogue, chock full of cliches and unimaginative directing, but I still look forward to it. Any movie that shows millions of people dying and New York being destroyed is worthy of my money.
- My cat is completely psycho. I know she hears voices telling her to burn things. Damned leprechauns.
- Am I the only one who thinks That Metal Show on VH1 totally and completely disrespected Overkill by having washed up glam rocker Lita Ford show up at the end, leaving Blitz and DD just kinda standing around while everyone kissed her butt? Really, really pathetic and Eddie ought to be ashamed of himself... completely crass and classless.
