Mule Gobblers Of The Midway

How the hell do you let some freakin' inbred midget beat you? Fire Denver's special team coach. Now. And the punter, well, let him kick for Jack Del Rio. Bring back the chopping stump for inspiration, Jack.

Damn, damn, damn, damn. At least I didn't throw my remote. I guess I'm getting old, or behaving myself a bit better. It's very sad in either case. A few years ago I would have been out on the streets with a baseball bat looking for anyone wearing a Bears jersey...

No, I'm not bitter about the loss at all. Really. :)

Time to buy evil heavy metal to ease the pain. Killswitch Engage? Godsmack? Hmm...

Turkey Day...

Hello, America.

Enjoy stuffing your faces while millions of people around the world die from lack of food, clean water and mosquito nets.

Just kidding. I think we should pig out and feel good about it. And then ship all our turkey bones, plastic bags and empty soda cans to third world countries and let that be our contribution their well being. Everyone hates America. It's time we hated them all back.

So let us all celebrate Global Hatred with good food, family and being as slothful as possible.

Then grab some pumpkin pie and tune in to the National Geographic channel to cackle as people drop like flies in the desert wastes of Africa.

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P.S. Also, I should let you all know that I spoke with Jesus, Allah, Buddha and several of the major Hindu deities, along with Santa Claus and the Great Pumpkin, and they told me this: they all hate the New England Patriots too. They've decided that Belichick, Brady and Co. will spend eternity in the lowest depths of hell along with rapists, child molesters, Nazis, ACLU lawyers, Hillary Clinton, Rosie O'Donnell...etc etc, hanging upside down from trees with their faces in warm, fetid animal feces. Forever.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Except for the upper Northeast, of course.

Digital In Ergo Must In Key Ever Be Yours Nesting Under Mars

I have decided the reason we are busting our butts so hard at work is for one simple reason. There are in fact, countries where it is legal for individuals to engage in sexual congress with barn animals. Our CEO and his investment buddies fly out to said countries on a frequent basis and waste the fruits of our labors to spend time with goats dressed as Catholic schoolgirls and pigs dolled up like Anna Nicole Smith.

Just thought I'd let you all know. Help save the farm animals from perverts! Kill a white collar executive today!

Can I Borrow A Brain?

Hey there, Unholy Sock Puppet Armies of the Night.

After a hellish 60+ hours work week (between my two jobs), I'm here to...uh...say that I am (more or less) alive.

Blasting MD .45 - don't know why people didn't like Lee Ving's singing - I think it's great. Almost sounds a little like Blaze Baley, perhaps with a little more punkish slant to it.

Started listening to Metallica again, for the first time in a loooooooong time. After the Black album was played to death for about five years, I had to take a break... an extended break... everybody seems to hate "St. Anger", but I actually dig it. It's dark, ugly and vicious sounding with no real melody, just pounding waves of rage and frustration. Maybe it's 'cause of the week at work that it sounds so good to me. Or maybe I'm just being contrary - now that Metallica is reviled and outcast, it's ok for me to like them again. :)

Ugh... I think I could sleep for another five or six hours...sounds good, really...

The NFL Blows The Patriots (What A Surprise)

Now that a few commentators are vocalizing what surely many players and coaches are thinking of doing if the Patriots should decide to run the score up on them - namely, start taking a few shots - we get this crap from the NFL.

This has everything to do with the threats New England is hearing of taking out Tom Brady, Randy Moss, etc, if Bill Beli-Jerk and his posse of no-class ass-clowns keep up their penchant for piling it on. My guess is that a few Patsies reps went crying to the Commish behind the scenes and now this "ruling" has come down.

Bill Belicheck is a loser.
Tom Brady is a loser.
The Patriots are losers.
New England's "fans" (where were you fair-weather bastards in 1990?) are HUGE losers.

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Update 10:53 pm

Here's a couple of sweet links I've found for all you wonderful Patriots haters out there:

I Hate The New England Patriots

Fire Bill Belichick Petition

Mutterings From My Mind

I've said it before - I'll say it again. Oracle stinks. The stupid thing starts crashing every Friday, with maybe a half an hour to an hour before we'd get done.

Rumors are that a former worker at my employment may have been in bed with Oracle. (Perhaps literally?) It would make sense, since she pushed to switch from the previous platform to Oracle and then a few weeks after the deal was done, she jumped ship to Oracle.

Nice job, software ho.

I'm on a Ozzy kick today, gonna play as many albums as I can. Started with "Speak of the Devil". I'm fortunate to have gotten a hold of it, since anything that Bob Daisley played on seems to have been "erased" (or even more blasphemously, re-recorded with new bass and drum parts) from Ozzy's catalog due to a variety of lawsuits over the years.

Nice job, Sharon. (And make no mistake - this is Sharon's doing...) Screw around with timeless classics like "Blizzard of Ozz" and "Diary of a Madman", and make other albums next impossible to get a hold of, at least at a reasonable price and in good condition. All for greed and vanity. Ozzy must have the most forgiving fan base in history, I am not sure why we put up with this crap. Must be out of sympathy for the poor man - anyone stuck with a disgusting, shrieking psychopathic narcissist hag like Sharon Osbourne is in need of sympathy (and lots of booze and drugs...)

FYU, I got lucky - got my copies for used prices in primo condition off Amazon.com...)

Let's see, what else to rant about - I'm very bitter about the fact that no one has shot Hillary Clinton or Rosie O'Donnell yet. Gas prices are rising again - I guess the Allah freaks and oil CEOs have spent all their earnings on gold-plated love-toy camels and nine year-old hookers from Thailand.

And now, time for my medications of soy sauce mixed with apple beer and crack...

Stupid Utah Voters

Unfortunately, once again the sheep-brained people of Utah have been fleeced by the teachers unions and associations, which amount to nothing more than a collection of incompetent, child-molesting cretins who want to maintain their complete and total monopoly on our children and the tax dollars spent on them.

How dare someone come along and threaten their little hegemony. How dare people want an alternative to indifferent buffoons who can't spell the name of their own school. How dare people want an alternative to 25 year old female predators who sleep with their 15 year olds dozens of times.

The results from Referendum One simply prove, once again, that Utahns aren't that bright.

Pathetic.

The Potato Song

Beware the Potato, Potato Woman
She thinks she's the greatest thing, you see...
But she's so damn fat she needs
A specialized NASA shuttle toilet to take a pee

Beware the Potato, Potato Thing
So ugly she'd make God forget
How to speak, think or sing
(Nature really screwed this one up)

Run, run, from the Potato Beast
She's nosy, she's bossy, an' she'll eat
At one sitting, at least five hundred pounds
Of holiday food, feast feast feast!

Oh the Potato, why won't she just die?
Why does she insist on making us
And all the whole wide round world
Sit down and cry?... I'll tell you why!

God says he ain't responsible
And Satan, he don't want her back
Is there a giant cosmic toilet
Where we can flush her down, Mack?

The Potato, The Potato, The Potato
She makes stinky green baby shit soup look good
The Potato, The Potato
Pray to the high heavens
She ain't in your neighborhood...

Another New Album?

Got to thinking, listening to the new Neil Young album this evening... I need to put togther another music project. It's been a while.

The new band and album shall be entitled "Vodka For the People".

The one (and only) song on said album shall be: "Joseph Stalin's Childhood Cookie Box"

It's 57 minutes long.

Who said album oriented rock was dead?

Sad Day

R.I.P., Scout and Silky.

You were here too briefly
But it was a lot of fun
While it lasted.

Heaven just got a little friendlier.

TV Show Scripts

Since the writers are going on strike, we will probably soon experience a dearth of quality prime time entertainment. Yeah, since there's so much of it on TV already.

Anyway, me and my infinite number of typewriter monkeys are hard at work to keep Americans sitting on their butts every night while Mexicans and Al-Qaeda sneak across our borders and build nuclear weapons out of discarded pizza boxes and Michael Jackson CDs.

I give you the following:

• The Battle of Hell Chicken Creek (mini-series)
• Return to Hell Chicken Creek (mini-series)
• The Children of Hell Chicken Creek (mini-series)
• Legends of Hell Chicken Creek (feature length movie)

Well, what do you expect? I'm a scrub writer. If you don't like it, go back to watching cheap Korean infomercials.

So Tired...

Got home late. Again. Hopefully tomorrow will be a different story. Unless the danged server goes down (again.) El cheapo bastardo technology. Oracle sucks!

I was gonna write a big long poem about The Ancient Evil of Olden Dinosaurs of Fossil Lore... but I don't have the time right now. Or the brain capacity...