Angry Simblings

We live in a time of angry people. Angry drivers, angry hookers, angry politicians, angry sheepherders. Why should Sims be any different?

3:17 A.M.

Can't sleep
Filled with anger
Anger cookies
Dancing in my
Skull

The prophet
St Peety-Chu
Appears to Me
As Obi-Wan Kattus
He tells me
To burn things

Die die die
Burn burn burn
Anger anger anger

Life is a rip-off
I want a refund
Plus interest
And damages
For suffering

Burn down the workplace
Burn down the school
Burn down the churches
Burn down the government

Die die die die die...

More Crybabies: Ethnic Minority "Special Interest" Groups

The controversy - snivelling, really - over Ken Burns' new documentary on World War II is infuriating. And pathetic.

Do rabble-rousing, moronic "intellectuals" have nothing better to do with their time? How the hell do these idiots get funding in the first place?

"Uh, yes, I'd like to get a grant for $100,000 so I can get a doctorate in complaining about white people and how my race is being blatantly misrepresented because a Mexican who died in a ditch in a remote mountain region seventy-five years ago was not mentioned in Bill Clinton's new biography."

Absurd? Absolutely. So is the whining over "The War". Considering the ethnic diversity of the United States, you simply cannot cover every single point of view in any topic, whether it be World War II, foul-mouthed SUV drivers or underpaid data entry workers. Secondly, Burns gave Hispanics the chance to present their viewpoints and most didn't seem interested.

Maybe the PC-Nazis who can't stop bitching about being misrepresented ought to take issue with their own people's lack of interest in their history rather than dumping blame on everyone else. Maybe said PC-Nazis ought to fund and produce their own documentary focusing on whatever minority they think is being left out rather than going off on some Don Quixote-esque quest against perceived "slights" and "offenses" that simply don't exist.

People like Jess Quintero really ought to be dumped off somewhere in Pakistan and left there to find legitimate reasons to howl and moan.

America is dying of politically-correct poisoning. Dying from myopic special interest groups whose only real agenda is to keep everyone at each other's throats in order to make money and gain political capital. And dying from the rest of us who won't take a stand against these special interest groups to tell them to either (a) shut up and find something productive to do, (b) fuck off and leave the country, or (c) we're gonna line them all up against a wall.

What a joke.

Fall is Here!

Oh, happy am I!

The stinky, sweaty ickiness of summer is over! No more bikini hoochies! No more weekend traffic jams full of suburban morons and their families going out to ruin nature! No more stupid little league games!

Yes, it's true. I hate summer. But, for another six or seven months (depending on global warming caused by Al Gore's big mouth full of hot air - how's THAT for inconvenient truth, you jackass...) I don't have to deal with it.

Fall is here. Sipping cocoa, reading a good book, cat on the lap. Watching leaves change color. And of course, the most Holy and Sacred of Holidays: Halloween.

If you don't like Halloween, you are not my friend. In fact, you are marked for death. (Uh, my lawyer says I should retract that statement... but I refuse...)

So, got up this morning, made some hot chocolate, listening to the soundtrack to the 1979 remake of "Nosferatu".

Life is good. Until Monday, anyway...

So...

do you hear me
do you hear me at all?
are my words
simply fading echoes
in a dark empty hall?

is there anything
left to say?
is there anything
left for me today?
what once seemed
simple and easy
now makes little
sense to me
at all

darkness enfolds me
take me home
so tired
so tired
nothing left...

A Song for a Tuesday Night

I'd like to have a gold-plated, stuffed rooster
(But I'm not that rich...)
I'd like to tell my boss to go shag herself
(But I'm not that dumb...or rich...)
I'd like to burn down my last workplace
(But I'm not that cruel...or dumb...or rich...)
I'd like to execute all the CEOs in America
(But I don't have enough guns...not that cruel...or dumb...or rich...)
I really wanna just lay naked on the beach and stuff myself with pizza and Pepsi
(But I don't have the bone structure...not that cruel...or dumb...or rich...)

Guess I'll just watch some Court TV and complain some more.
I think I'm rich and dumb enough and all that...

Good night, and don't forget to throw toilet fruities at anyone named Iris, Paulette, Todd or Pshawtonganakaghawahabawah.

Bill Simmons. Moron. Loser. Crybaby.

You gotta wonder how ESPN stays afloat, having to keep "talent" like Bill "The Sports Sniveler" Simmons employed. Probably comes down to the fact that the typical male American sports fan is a cross between a sheep and parrot: stupid as hell and mindlessly repeating what it hears or reads in popular sports shlock media.

This is how much I loathe Simmons: I'm watching the Yankees - Red Sox game right now, and I hope the Yankees win. Keep in mind, I consider the Yankees to be all that is sick, evil and wrong in the universe, just a step above the Oakland Raiders (simply because they don't have any child molesters on the team, and the owner doesn't have to wear a diaper.)

Consider Simmons' latest whining on Page 2, and the reaction to Bill Beli-Jerk's getting caught with his pants down. Pathetic. There are reasons the Patsies get little respect for winning three titles, and the methods of cheating that they've used over the years coming to light is simply tossing fuel on a simmering fire.

Bottom line: Tom "Bastard Maker" Brady and Co. were much more lucky (and unscrupulous) than good. Terrible calls going their way in the playoffs. An opposing head coach who forgot he had Marshall Faulk. Playing a dysfunctional team from the NFC (L)east, with another coach who doesn't know what a running game is. And, oh yeah, blatantly breaking specific NFL rules of gamesmanship.

NFL players around the league are ruefully "joking" that they should be receiving Super Bowl and conference championship rings. Thing is, I don't think they are really joking. There's a lot of bitterness towards the Patsies, and rightfully so.

No need to strip them of their titles. The public opinion has already done it.

And, for those of who can't get enough of the Bill Simmons Hate-Fest, enjoy the following:

• Bill Simmons Sucks
  
• Why Bill Simmons is a Tiresome Bore
• The Enemies of Bill Simmons

To name a few...

New Improved TV For America

Forget "Kid Nation". Bubble-gum crap. Here at EDS Productions, we've come up with a child-labor reality show WORTHY of your eyeballs: Bastard Orphan Terrorists Starving Unite!

From a remote jungle location somewhere in Central America, where child protection laws, attorneys and police don't exist, a band of hand-picked starving illegitimate orphans will be given a tent, work benches, tools, schematics, parts and copious amounts of both uranium and plutonium.

The goal: The orphans must produce a working nuclear weapon once a week, or they won't have any food supplies air-lifted in.

The premise: A bunch of angry, starving children playing with nuclear materials. Family-safe fun for the whole clan. Laugh with glee as they throw radioactive material at each other in fits of rage, attempt to hunt monkeys to supplement their meager food supplies, and their skin slowly turns weird colors and begins glowing in the dark.

This fall. On what network? Fox, of course.

Shaka Baka Raka

News and notes for a smoke-filled Friday evening:

• Black Snake Moan is a really good movie. It's obvious the studio had no idea how to market it, which is a shame. It certainly isn't a hard-core sexplotation flick as the idiotic trailers might have suggested. Wonderful performances by Samuel L. Jackson and Christina Ricci...
• Oh yes, the Future Ghost of Bruce Dickinson appeared in the guise of Obi-Wan Eddie Junior in a drug-addled dream and told me to take back all the bad things I said about the U.K, or I'd be forced to listen to Sharon Osbourne's whinings for a week straight without reprieve. Sheesh, Bruce, that's pretty dang harsh.
• Is it just me, or has the world really gotten increasingly dark the past few months? All I want to do is shut myself off from the everyone and drink myself into stupor listening to Slayer's "God Hates Us All" over and over. Hmm. Think the music of choice has anything to do with it? Nah. Listening to Mo-Tab makes me homicidal. There's just no hope for me, that's all.

I'd say more, but... I can't think of anything. Just want to drink and be miserable, so there....

NFL Predictions

Greeeetings, Oh Ye Blessed Children of the Holy Synthetic Pigskin....

The football season, it is here! And great is our joy! Bring forth crackling hot pizzas from the stove! Fetch ye the coldest pitchers of Pepsi! Draw out the cartons of cookie dough ice cream! And duct-tape the mouths of all our children, wives, concubines and call girls! For Holy, Holy Football time has begun!

Many apologies for not making my predictions sooner - but I was sent down to an embassy in South America to take care of some child support payments for the Monturf, who is still dealing with the fallout from Lindsay Lohan-Paris Hilton. Not to mention that BBQ incident in London.

Anyway, without further yakking, here goes:


AFC West

1. San Diego Chargers (11-5)
2. Denver Broncos (9-7)
3. Kansas City Chiefs (5-11)
4. Oakland Raiders (1-15)

AFC North

1. Cincinnati Bengals (10-6)
   
2. Baltimore Ravens (8-8)
3. Pittsburgh Steelers (7-9)
4. Cleveland Browns (4-12)

AFC East

1. New England Patriots (12-4)
2. NY Jets (9-7)
3. Buffalo Bills (6-10)
4. Miami Dolphins (5-11)

AFC South

1. Indianapolis Colts (13-3)
2. Jacksonville Jaguars (9-7)
3. Tennessee Titans (5-11)
4. Houston Texans (4-12)

NFC West

1. San Francisco 49ers (9-7)
2. Seattle Seahawks (8-8)
3. St. Louis Rams (7-9)
4. Arizona Cardinals (6-10)

NFC North

1. Chicago Bears (10-6)
2. Green Bay Packers (7-9)
3. Detroit Lions (5-11)
4. Minnesota Vikings (4-12)

NFC East

1. Philadelphia Eagles (11-5)
2. Dallas Cowboys (9-7)
3. Washington Redskins (6-10)
4. NY Giants (5-11)

NFC South

1. Carolina Panthers (9-7)
2. New Orleans Saints (7-9)
3. Tampa Bay Bucs (6-10)
4. Atlanta Falcons (2-14)

The fun and zany predictions regarding this year, like how long it is before Wade Philips has a sex change operation and becomes a nun in a convent in Belize because of having to deal with T.O., soon to come...

The Revenge of Charlie Brown

The bald one
The wishy washy one
Mr Blockhead himself

No respect
No respect
Not even from his dog

Baseball team
Never wins, never
Losers forever

Had enough
Of the pain
And baldness

Down in the attic
Found a .30 .30
Say your prayers

Shoot 'em all
Charlie Brown
One by one

Even the Great
Great Pumpkin
Can't save you now

Good grief
Everyone's dead
I can't stand it

No one home
For the holidays
This year at all

Fresh graves
Empty town
Good grief, Charlie Brown

Rants For a Holiday Weekend

Yes, it's 7:00 am on a Saturday and I'm very much wide awake. Damn rooster. But since I'm here, I thought I'd share some pearls of anger with you all:

• Princess Diana is DEAD, people. Get over it. She didn't matter in the first place, she doesn't matter now. British royalty. Sheesh. For a country that has Stonehenge, made the TV show "The Prisoner" and basically invented heavy metal, it comes across as a shockingly lame place. A bunch of biscuit-munching, tea-sipping, cricket-watching wankers.
  
• As El Gran Taco has said more than once, Payson is nothing but a bunch of swamp people. There were drunk hicks EVERYWHERE last night as I was going home. Some of them not more than fourteen or so, staggering around at the stop light. Pathetic.
• Miss South Carolina just proves that inbreeding in the South is very much alive and well. "Uncle Daddy Syndrome" as it were. Why Lincoln didn't just have Sherman burn everything south of the Mason-Dixon line and kill every single human being in the South, black and white, man, woman and child, is beyond me. America would be a much better country.
  
• I think the following cities need to be destroyed and all the inhabitants thereof slaughtered without mercy: Saratoga Springs, Eagle Mountain, Lehi, Draper, South Jordan, Pleasant Grove, Payson. The reason? (not that I need to give one.) Traffic. Jeez-Louise. I've never seen so much traffic on a holiday weekend. There are simply too many people living in this state. Everyone from California: Go to Idaho. Everyone from Idaho: Go to hell.

More thoughts of anger and bitterness as they pop up in my head...