One of the truly great directors of all time has passed. The films that Bergman made were largely responsible for introducing me to foreign film and giving me the chance to explore cinema outside of the Hollywood cookie-cutter format. So many great ones, but here are my favorites:
Currently incarcerated in London for his purported BBQ graveyard crimes, the Monturf received more bad news this morning. In light of her latest arrest, a tearful Lindsay Lohan blamed her struggles with substance abuse on her addiction to the infamous Colonel Monturf Brand Bathtub Wild Turkey Bourbon, saying that she drank it morning, noon and night without stop.
She also confessed that she, Paris Hilton and the Monturf have been having wild menage a trois in a dilapidated RV parked behind a Bart-Mart convenience store in Omaha, Nebraska for the past several months and that she suspected the Monturf was the father of her child.
The Monturf's soon-to-be-retiring attorney and public relations officer, Phil Jackson, faxed a statement from London in which the Monturf vehemently denied all claims of carnal relations with either Hilton or Lohan, but also stated that, "it is true that part of the appeal of Colonel Monturf Brand Bathtub Wild Turkey Bourbon is that it can make any woman appear a hell of a lot better looking than she actually is."
More on these developments as they develop (ie, I get enough time to sit and think this stuff up...)
A few comments on this situation:
Dust bunnies have fallen
Fallen into my chocolate milk.
Who will pay? Who will pay?
Tell me, you bastardo,
Who will pay?
It is time. Time to wreak
The Havoc of the Burnings
Upon those who annoy me
Or even look at me.
Death-O Fast-O is here.
Here for you all.
Your pathetic Allah-Muhummad
Cannot save you.
Gimme mas tequila
Gimme mas to drink
I'm tired, so tired
And my neck is falling off
I need mas tequila
Laying here on the floor
Shrieking at the dread
Shadow of the elephant man
Listening to the stereo
Sgt. Pepper Satan Man
I need mas tequila
The voice of a billion
Angry mosquitoes and burning
packs of vicious St. Bernards
Where is my tequila?
Yo necesito mas tequila!
The ancient skeletons of
Even ancient times of yore
Seek my destruction in
Darkened and pointy cave
Oh, how I need mas tequila...
Yes, the commissioner should wait and see what happens with the indictment and subsequent trial. I suppose the Falcons, rather than getting rid of him now, could wait as well, even though you can make a compelling argument that the honorable thing would be to drop him like a rock immediately.
But make no mistake: Vick is a marked man this season, on the field and off it. Opposing team's fans will be merciless. And any animal loving player on defense probably won't think too much about taking Vick out at the knees. I can't see him getting through the season in one piece. Maybe even alive.
I have no sympathy. Michael Vick is a loser, on the field and off it. From what we've seen of his brother Marcus, it must run in the family. Abusers of animals, molesters of little girls... what a lovely clan.
If the allegations against Vick are true ... well, he ought to be tied up and treated exactly the way those dogs were.
Another roasting day. Meant to take a ten minute nap this afternoon and then watch some movies... around 1:30. Woke up at 5:30. Yeesh. I guess I won't be going to bed until 2:00 am today.
Got around to ripping some more tunes onto the ol' iPod to make the work week a little more bearable. Which led me to discover, that for some reason, my copy of Velvet Revolver's "Contraband" has been hiding behind my dresser for who knows how long. That's old age for you.
Watched "40 Greatest Metal Songs" on VH1. Ah, angry teenage years nostalgia. As usual, VH1 confused sales with greatness. How else can you explain "Welcome to the Jungle" as being ranked #2? Or anything from a nu-metal shlock band like Slipknot being ranked at all?! Please. I was pleasantly surprised to see Slayer's "Raining Blood", though, and ranked as high as it was. Or Sepultura's "Refuse/Resist".
Dang it is warm. I think we should have some sort of rule that says you can't go to work when it's below 40 degrees or above 80 degrees. Oh, wait, then we'd be like Europe or the UK and work five hours a week.
Here's some thoughts and brain seizure coughings for a toasty Friday night:
Ok, so some of the details are still sketchy at this point, but my sources can confirm the following:
You may think
What you think
But what I think
You cannot think
I think what I think
You think what you think
But don't ever tell me
You think what I think
My think is mine
My think is mine
Leave my think alone
My think is mine
I sit here in the dark
And I think my thinks
Thinking of nothing else
Mine mine mine mine
Megadeth's latest album, United Abominations, takes a lot of shots at the United Nations (and in my opinion, makes a lot of valid points.)
So, the poor picked on little U.N. cried and whined about it in the U.N. Dispatch. Hilarious. You can read it here.
All the U.N. is is another bloated, corrupt and inefficient monster that exists to serve itself. It should stand for Useless Narcissism...
Hey life, you bastard
It's me again, it's me again
You've been pissing me off
Now you're gonna die
Gonna kill me life tonight
Gonna bag me existence
Gonna mount it's head
On my darkened den wall
Life pretends to be wonderful
Life whispers lies in our ears
Gonna chop up life with a knife
Gonna butcher existence like a steer
Life's a whore, life's a bad game
Life, it's enough to drive us insane
Not gonna take any more, no no
With my 30.06 life's gonna go go go...
Send life to hell, we don't want it
Straight back to Satan, piece of shit
Life is pain, life is grief, life just sucks
Even worse than that movie...Howard the Duck
Hey life, why don't you get a death?
Hey life, why don't you get a death?
Yeah life, get yourself a corpse-ache
Give us poor suckers a friggin' break
Life's like a Sunday school preacher
Or an elementary school teacher
Talks a lot, then talks a lot more
But ain't worth a thing, damned whore
Let's shove life out the door!
Kill life dead! Kill it now, Fred!
Life sucks, life's a shit, life's just
A disease-riddled brain-addled twit!
Say no to life!
Say no to its lies!
Better off we are
Rotting in maggots and flies...
(This isn't a suicide song, by the way... just my way of telling like to go know itself - Biblically speaking - and die...)
Carla's absolutely gonna kill me for this, but it's been rattling around in my head since last night and I just can't get it out of my skull unless I blog it...
O-R-E-O
the wonder dog that's magically delicious
tasty like German sausage
yet quite a bit more nutritious
and if you take a big bite
the flavor is so squi-licious
O-R-E-O...
Yes, I am a dead man now.
Yes, it was worth it. :)
| You Have Not Been Ruined by American Culture |
 You're nothing like the typical American. In fact, you may not be American at all. You have a broad view of the world, and you're very well informed. And while you certainly have been influenced by American culture (who hasn't?), it's not your primary influence. You take a more global philosophy with your politics, taste, and life. And you're always expanding and revising what you believe. |
First off, congratulations to the Spycer and his wife Laura for the arrival of their first child, Brianna, this morning. I look forward to seeing Spycer mold her mind into new and interesting shapes, just like I helped mold his when he was young. :) Just kidding. Seriously, congrats and best wishes...
Carla's big fat Poly-Pineapple neighbor decided to cause a bunch of unnecessary problems, and we're both mad as you-know-what about it. It's just one of those things you have to deal with (dumb, nosy, self-righteous people), but it's still infuriating. I wrote a special song dedicated to this individual, but it's so profanity and threat-filled that I probably had better not post it.
See, I'm getting better. Really. :)
Can it get any hotter? Wait, don't answer that!
Jeez. I blame this on the following:
Hope everyone has a fun Fourth of July, and takes a little time to be thankful for what we have and remember the GOOD things about America for once. It seems like we are drowning in negativity about our country these days.
Ironic that I would say that, considering I'm listening to the new "Mindcrime at the Moore" album as I type - the Mindcrime albums are two of the most negative, everything-in-America-sucks records to ever come out.
I guess it means I'm like most everyone else - I love my country but I'm very conflicted about all the things going on. I loathe the leaders of our country and the illegal, immoral war they've gotten us into in Iraq. But I do need to take a step back from CNN, Fox News, Al Jourgensen, Michael Moore, Sean Hannity, Ann Coulter, Al Franken, Geoff Tate... (I could go on and on and on...) and remember to look for all the good, positive things as well.
I guess what I am saying is I think we have a balancing act to do - don't bury our heads in the sand and pretend all is hunky-dory, but don't listen to the shrill voices of hate and fear mongers (both left and right) either.
So, have a good day, enjoy yourselves, and try to not start too many fires. :)
Why, tell me why, did God make old people?
Isn't there enough complaining
And hot wheezing air in the world already?
Why, tell me why, can't we be spared?
From the plague of geezers geezing
So mightily, without giving a denture's care?
Old people are
Old people have always been
Nature's greatest sin
Die, geezer. Die now!
Die in your tub or in the ass
Of a semi-frozen sow!
I don't care how! Just
Die die die die die die!
Die, geezer!
