Snapshot of Reflections

Payson Creek 2
Originally uploaded by El Dave 74.

Waters flow gently
Quietness of fall soothing
Take me far away

Checking In From My Mental Shangri-La

So, Thursday has come and nearly gone. I still haven't run off with some Hollywood floozy or drunk myself to death in a ditch in West Valley. Considering the amount of free time I have had lately, that's rather impressive.

Saw a couple IMAX films up at Clark Planetarium yesterday. Fun stuff, even if the 3D fish gave me the creeps at times. And I managed to miss Blockhead Anderson's anti-Bush protest downtown in SLC, which also made me very happy. Honestly, I don't like our president very much. But there's nothing positive coming out of these "protests". If you have a complaint or issue with something, come up with alternative ideas or suggestions. Not just mindless posturing for the sake of some face time on the ten o'clock news. And that's what this protest boiled down to: Rocky Anderson making sure that Rocky Anderson was on the TV. Even for a politician, it is hard to find someone who is so thoroughly in love with themselves.

That fact that this pathetic bozo has not only been elected but re-elected is concrete proof that glue-sniffing is at an all-time high amongst the registered voters of Salt Lake City.

But, back to vacation stuff. I went for a jaunt up Santaquin and Payson canyons. Hells bells. Most of the good kick back and relax spots are already filled up with beer chugging losers in their RVs. I finally, FINALLY found a nice quiet spot by the creek to sit down and read without being bothered by the dregs of society.

I'd also like to say to the morons on the dirtbikes who were tailgating me halfway down Payson Canyon: next time, I'm hitting the brakes and taking every last one of you little bastards out. I'll claim a squirrel ran across the road. Damn rednecks...

Monday Morning Rants...

"i pledge allegiance to my brain
the greatest thing invented
since acid rain
and to the insanity for which
it stands
doom, pain and fear
throughout all the lands..." - El Dave Sanchez

I'm on vacation, I'm on vacation! Now, some people may claim that I'm always on vacation, mentally and physically. And maybe those people are right. I'm not going to dispute the fact that my ambition level is as low as the bottom of the ocean. So perhaps I will qualify "vacation" to mean that I am not going to work this week and spending ALL my time being a lazy slacker instead of just an hour or so every night.

Let's see... I have had a lot of really demented ideas lately, but I haven't been carrying around a notebook to jot down this stuff, so I guess all of you are spared the details. (For now.)

I am gonna rant about Utah drivers again. If Utah drivers don't prove the amount of daddy-daughter sex that goes on in this region, nothing will. Only cross-eyed, IQ 43 people can drive so badly. I think for my own safety and well-being I am gonna buy a modified Hummer with mounted 50mm machine guns and several mortar launchers.

I hear gas prices are going down 15 cents a gallon. How noble of those poor, self-depriving oil barons. I mean, 15 cents a gallon. That'll probably cost all those Arab sheikhs and American CEOs two or three trips to the ten-year old orphan brothels in Thailand between now and Christmas...

The one year anniversary of Katrina is coming up. I'm going to keep my TV turned off for the next month. For all my sarcastic comments and un-PC chants about New Orleans, I do have sympathy for (most) of the people down there. But I don't need to watch and/or listen to the media vultures prey on people's misery and sufferings for the sake of "news".

One last thought/comment. Alpine School district sucks more than an industrial street sweeper. It's run by drugged up, porn-addicted pedophiles who pose as nice little Saintly people. And the teachers, well ... only in America. Thanks to the UEA and NEA and the ACLU, the kids here are subjected to "teachers" who wouldn't be allowed to be so much as a crossing guard in most third world countries, who have better sense than to allow the dregs of society access to their offspring.

Well, I am gonna go stick my head back in my trusty, rusty bucket of Deep Thoughts. Be back later...

Arrr! Avast, Ye Dogs!

My pirate name is:

Bloody Davy Vane

Every pirate lives for something different. For some, it's the open sea. For others (the masochists), it's the food. For you, it's definitely the fighting. You tend to blend into the background occasionally, but that's okay, because it's much easier to sneak up on people and disembowel them that way. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from piratequiz.com.
part of the fidius.org network

What Made America Great

I figured it out while swapping cards and paper in the office printer. The reason America has lost it's way is because we have forgotten the sacred traditions of our forefathers. Namely, poultry-kaifing. The hallowed art of swiping your neighbor's chickens is what created great leaders who led us to glory. Washington. Jefferson. Lincoln. All master poultry-kaifers.

And the lousy poultry-kaifers? Clinton. Bush. Carter. Nixon. So stupid they could never figure it out.

And so now you know. Remember, you heard it here first. What America needs to return to power and preeminence in the world. Masters of the Great Art of Chicken Swiping.

Blogthings... No Escaping It ... Nyah Nyah!

You Are An ISFJ

The Nurturer You have a strong need to belong, and you're very loyal. A good listener, you excell at helping others in practical ways. In your spare time, you enjoy engaging your senses through art, cooking, and music. You find it easy to be devoted to one person, who you do special things for. You would make a good interior designer, chef, or child psychologist.

What's Your Personality Type?

You Are 40% Pure

You're usually the typical girl or guy next door... But you also have a secret naughty side!

How Pure Are You?

You Are 43% Grown Up, 57% Kid

You've grown up a good bit, but you still have a way to go before you're emotionally mature. You have the skills to control your emotions, you just have to use them.

How Emotionally Mature Are You?

Your Taste in Music:

90's Pop: High Influence Heavy Metal: High Influence Progressive Rock: High Influence 80's Rock: Medium Influence Classic Rock: Medium Influence

How's Your Taste in Music?

You've Changed 40% in 10 Years

Ah, the past! You may not remember it well - because you're still living in it. While you've changed some, you may want to update your wardrobe, music collection and circle of friends.

How Much Have You Changed in 10 Years?

You Passed 8th Grade Spanish

Congratulations, you got 7/8 correct!

Could You Pass 8th Grade Spanish?

Tigger and Her New Hat

"Cats seems to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want."

- Joseph Wood Krutch

West Mountain Smoresfest 2006

West Mountain has caught fire. Again. It's like a bi-weekly summer tradition.

** UPDATE 5:22 pm **

Since I posted, it's gotten much worse and it's climbing up the hill now. And the wind is blowing. Nice...

This is Great...

We all know what a bunch of greedy, dishonest, inept morons corporate America is made of. But this is just ridiculous. Check it out.

I actually had a dream last night that I was working for C. Montgomery Burns (you know, Mr. Burns from the Simpsons) and that he laid me and all my fellow hardworking employees off so he could sell the company and make more money off of it. So, before leaving, we sabotaged all the production lines, so the product being made had "Fuck You! Cordially, Monty Burns" printed on the box and also on the product (can't remember what was being made, exactly.)

Very amusing. At least, I think so. And my opinion is the only one that counts. So there!

Greetings, Star Chickens!

Hey there, Oh Ye Readers...

It's been a nice week, filled with weird dreams and lunacy at work. I've also nearly gotten killed twice, once on Geneva Road, once on the freeway. It seems like the traffic in Utah County's 'red light district' keeps getting worse and worse. I had a friend who used to make a habit of running idiot drivers off the road and then beating the crap out of them and leaving them on the side of the road. (And yes, his behavior probably qualifies as idiotic behavior itself, if not totally psychotic.) But sometimes, I think he has the right idea.

But no worries, I promised someone close to me that I would behave, and I will. It's just not gonna stop me from muttering to myself about their mothers and barn animals, that's all. :-)

I have another idea for a cool horror movie. Poultrygeist. That's right. The classic suspense movie, this time starring chickens. Pretty sweet. (Ok, so I'm on drugs, what's your point?)

My niece Laura got married yesterday. Sheesh. She didn't even make it to twenty years old before getting her finger iced... (sound of Taps being played in the background)

Oh, yeah, that Sim photo there... that's the notorious Don Lothario, resident promiscious Sim, seducer of bored housewives and dumb college girls, and funky disco dancer. I'm not quite sure if he's dancing here or if he just really, really needs to go to the bathroom...

My Weekend of Pain! and Spending!

When they say you should not move pieces of furniture while wearing flip flops, maybe I should listen. Not quite a Darwin award feat that I pulled off, but I will be walking with a gimp for a day or two...

Pro football (God's apology to men for making women the way they are) is back and life is good. My predictions for the upcoming season should appear soon... well, I'll toss one out right now. Pittsburgh fans won't like it, but tough bazookies. The Steelers won't return to the Super Bowl. They won't even make the playoffs. This is one of the four or five worst teams to ever make it to the Big Game, let alone win it. Down there with the '71 Colts, '80 Raiders, '81 49ers, and '00 Ravens.

Bought a bunch of stuff at Staples to reorganize my office area and also protect my precious office supplies from sticky-fingered individuals (although the real culprit, thankfully, got transferred to Santa Fe two months ago, I still reserve the right to rampant paranoia...)

If anyone wants to lose some weight without doing anything, come spend a day in our office. The AC is out and the second floor was basting in a lovely ninety degree sauna-like environment...

It's Grokking Time, Children!

Hello again there, faithful (or bored and heavily sedated) readers... a few thought for your brains this evening.

• I love crash mode and road rage mode on Burnout 3. Actually trying to win a race sucks big time and causes me to say many colorful metaphors.

• The new Theatre of Tragedy is pretty good, the best in about eight years. Nell sounds great, no worries about replacing Liv Kristine.

• Speaking of Liv Kristine, I had to get her new solo album via import for over twenty bucks. This is a major annoyance, as Roadrunner has distribution in the U.S. What gives?

• Can't wait for the new Porcupine Tree concert DVD to come out this fall. Gonna be SWEEET...

• I love my DVR. I love my DVR. I love my DVR. I can come home to hours and hours of death, disasters and evil cartoons every single evening. Finding time to WATCH them, well ... I'll get that milk carton time machine built yet. Just you wait.

• Professional cycling is a joke. I'll never watch or follow the Tour de France again. If Landis is guilty, it sucks. Big time. Just another lousy cheater. But if he isn't, it still sucks. It means that the guys running the drug tests are morons and/or lying cheating crooks. Probably both. WADA is a piece of crap organization, run by an absolute idiot.

• Check out a couple of sweet sites: Crime Library and Court TV Red. Good stuff.

• Oh yeah, to the idiot on 8th North and 12th West in Orem yesterday: was your mother ALWAYS really fond of barn animals, or are you the only one in your family?

• Ozzy Osbourne says he's putting out another album soon. Maybe if we all contribute a little pocket change, we can pay him enough not to.

• Apple beer has overtaken M-Dew and Pepsi as my chug-drug of choice.

• I like Nelly Furtado, but her new album is kinda ... strange. She has the voice of a fifteen year old girl and always will, and her attempt to sound like some sexed up hip hop skank doesn't work really well. Just like Jewel's infamous 0304 album. Nothing wrong with trying new stuff, but sticking to your strengths isn't a bad idea, either.

• There's actually nothing wrong with the oil line in Alaska. BP's board of directors just spent a little too much of the company's toilet paper budget on ten-year old hookers from Thailand last month and this is their way of making up the difference.

• Speaking of which, I think it behooves all of us to go take a crap on Henry Ford's grave for inventing the automobile (for all intents and purposes). Were it not for him, all the camel-humping Allah freaks would still be living in tents and worrying about where the next drink of water was coming from, not ranting pathetic religious rhetoric and making IEDs in their mosque basement.

• Let's just put Saddam Hussein back in Iraq and let him deal with it. Expecting people in the Middle East to behave themselves is like expecting Anna Nicole Smith to understand the physics of nuclear fusion. Ain't gonna happen. Ever.

• On a more cheerful note, I still have both my earlobes. For now.

That's it for now. Ta ta children, remember to eat your prayers and say your vegetables. Or something like that.

Blog...blog...blog the night away...

You Are 56% Bipolar

You're a bit moody, and at times, your moods can be a bit extreme. It's up to you to decide if you're simply dramatic... or slightly bipolar.

Are You Bipolar?

You Are Very Honest

You tell it like it is, no matter what. Even if the truth hurts, you'll dish it out. And while some may get hurt by your honesty... At least everyone knows where you stand!

How Honest Are You?

You Are 68% Shy

You are a very shy person, and it has started to impact your life in a negative way. If you can avoid human contact, you usually do. And as a result, you miss out on a lot.

How Shy Are You?

You Should Rule Mars

Mars is a planet that shines brightly and loops wildly around the solar system. You are perfect to rule Mars, because you are both energetic and independent. Like Mars, you seems attractive and bright to others - but you're difficult to pin down. You are a great thinker, but you only think in the present and ignore the future. Full of enthusiasm and inspiration, you are into your own thing... and rather insensitive to others.

What Planet Should You Rule?

Your Travel Profile:

You Are Somewhat Well Traveled in the Western United States (37%) You Are Somewhat Well Traveled in the Southern United States (31%) You Are Somewhat Well Traveled in the Midwestern United States (25%) You Are Mostly Untraveled in Canada (20%) You Are Mostly Untraveled in Latin America (13%) You Are Untraveled in Africa (0%) You Are Untraveled in Asia (0%) You Are Untraveled in Australia (0%) You Are Untraveled in Eastern Europe (0%) You Are Untraveled in New Zealand (0%) You Are Untraveled in Scandinavia (0%) You Are Untraveled in Southern Europe (0%) You Are Untraveled in Western Europe (0%) You Are Untraveled in the Middle East (0%) You Are Untraveled in the Northeastern United States (0%) You Are Untraveled in the United Kingdom (0%)

How Well Traveled Are You?

Your Geek Profile:

Fashion Geekiness: High SciFi Geekiness: High Academic Geekiness: Moderate Gamer Geekiness: Moderate Internet Geekiness: Moderate Geekiness in Love: Low Movie Geekiness: Low Music Geekiness: Low General Geekiness: None

How Geeky Are You?

You Are a Centaur

In general, you are a very cautious and reserved person. However, you are also warm hearted, and you enjoy helping others in practical ways. You are a great teacher, and you are really good at helping people get their lives in order. You are very intuitive, and you go with your gut. You make good decisions easily.

What Mythological Creature Are You?

Your Vampire Name Is...

Hierophant of the Devil's Spawn

What's Your Vampire Name?

Storm 2

Storm 2
Originally uploaded by El Dave 74.

After a successful evening of whaling on my poor little Carla and causing the Monturf's brain to completely melt into a puddle on the floor, I came home to see lots of lightning type stuff in the northwestern sky. So I ran into my room, grabbed my tripod and camera, and went out.

Unfortunately, I didn't have higher ground to shoot from, but it was still fun. I love thunderstorms. Wish we got more of them like then I was a kid...

Another Fine Health Product

Tired of rotting your teeth with soda? Sick of bladder infections and insomina caused by caffeine? Can't take another bottle of so-called "pure bottled water" that's probably taken straight from the sewers of New York City?

Then this is the health drink for you. Filled with the organic, natural processes of Mother Earth, and nothing more. Presenting... Dwarf Carcass Sparkling Mineral Water.

That's right, folks. The wholesome decomposing micro-material of genuine circus dwarves that have been carefully buried under a sparkling mountain spring. Slowly filtered out through the grass, twigs and earth. Treated only by time and forest animal urine, the moldering dwarf goodness slowly seeps into our underground collection vats, where we can store, age and bottle it for you, O Discerning Buyer of Health Products.

So chuck out that pop! Toss that poser bottle watter! Heave the orange juice into the gutter where it belongs! Drink Dwarf Carcass Sparkling Mineral Water! You'll be amazed with the results!

New PVC Album Delayed

Hello there, oh Cult of the Chomping Fish...

Yes, it is true, the long-awaited Pirahna Vasectomy Cult album is being delayed yet again, due to the fact that our drummer locked herself in a freezer in a bizarre attempt at time travel. When she gets unthawed, the album will be released and the tour will commence. However, a track listing for the album is now available! Check it out...

1. Skanks in Burkas (3:15)
2. Sha-Na-Na Must Die! (11:15)
3. Fish Business, Pt. II (4:55)
4. Help! My Bucket! (17:14)
5. Anarchist Jungle Kings (1:19)
6. Who's Afraid of Jerome Alaquocious? (5:22)
7. Bang! Boom! Splat! (:05)
8. You Die Now! (2:47)
9. Requiem for a Pirahna (14:00)