Thoughts from a Sunday Evening coma

This is the stuff you think of when you are dozing off late on a Sunday night with a belly full of pizza and an afternoon of weird existential mental conversations within your own mind....

• The Leonard Nimoy Comedy Hour
• Who Wants to Marry a Tongan Rap Star?
• filling the local Walmart with komodo dragons overnight
• what the heck do I do with myself once March Madness is over with? Baseball isn't a sport until October, and NFL preseason stuff doesn't fulfill me the way it once does. The Narcissist Bastard Association (NBA) isn't a sport at all. So, April thru the end of August is a dark, dark time. I guess it's time to start growing spores behind my earlobes again.
• ten years from now, California won't exist
• what do dreams about chickens wearing turbans mean?
• where the heck are the rest of the probes I need to collect from the Turnpike Farm?
• Outside of Ax-hole Rose, who cares that Nuns 'n' Posers are putting out another album?
• this summer, really, I am getting out more and taking more photos. Never mind that I work 60 hours a week and only have Sunday off ... I will find a way. Or people will die.
• The Olympics are as relevant as shipping boat loads of toupes to starving people
• Pizza blasphemy is a serious, serious crime
• Why can't we merge NBC, CBS, ABC and Fox into one channel, called GAG?

More thoughts as I stick myself with small splintered pieces of foam, later.

America, Land of Litigating Liars

Just a thought for this morning.

We live in a land full of laws, but very little justice. We live in a country where our legal system is not so concerned with what is right as it is lining the pockets of the shameless bastards who drag cases out for years and years, citing obscure rules and regulations so they can rake in as much dough as possible while dragging people through misery.

There will be a day when all of you will be held accountable for the raping of our justice system you have committed. And you will wish you had never been born.

Huh ... I thought I'd be Bismarck, North Dakota

You Are Austin

A little bit country, a little bit rock and roll. You're totally weird and very proud of it. Artistic and freaky, you still seem to fit in... in your own strange way. Famous Austin residents: Lance Armstrong, Sandra Bullock, Andy Roddick

What American City Are You?

Well, We All Knew It...

You Are 62% Evil

You are very evil. And you're too evil to care. Those who love you probably also fear you. A lot.

How Evil Are You?

A Case of the Thursdays...

I was looking back on my life
And all the things I've done to me
I'm still looking for the answers
I'm still searching for the key...

- Ozzy Osbourne


I'll never be open again, I could never be open again
I'll never be open again, I could never be open again

And I'll smile and I'll learn to pretend
And I'll never be open again
And I'll have no more dreams to defend
And I'll never be open again

- Dream Theater


Here I stand at the crossroads edge,
afraid to reach out for eternity,
One step, when I look down,
I see someone else not me

Looking back and I see
someone else...

Me?

- Queensryche

Homeland Security? HAH!

I suppose reading this shouldn't surprise me, but it did. Arab companies running major US ports security. Brilliant, just an absolute frickin' stroke of genius . Why not let convicted pedophiles run the Department of Education? Have the ATF and DEA run by crackheads? Outsource our military hardware suppliers to some cattle herders in remote regions of Mongolia? Put a gun-toting paranoid delusional right wing lunatic in as Vice President? Oh, wait. We've already done the last one. Twice in the last six years.

Thus, I can only conclude that our president and his administration are:

1. Even bigger fools than previously suspected
2. On the payroll of every Arab and Muslim government in the world
3. Are using inordinate amounts of hallucinogens, vodka, and muscle relaxants all at the same time
   

Most likely, a combination of all three. We're screwed.

An Olden Ode to Ye Olde Plastic Bucket

i have a bucket
a little white
plastic bucket
and it is
precious to me

don't you dare
take my bucket
oh, no don't
even touch it
my precious bucket

because if you
get near my
little plastic bucket
bad things gonna
happen to you

cause it is
my white bucket
and mine alone
you no touchie
unless you wanna die

my white bucket
yes it is
my white bucket
i like it
my white bucket

How the Mighty VH has fallen...

Well, after reading this, I think maybe it's time for me and the Monturf to sign up for auditions for the upcoming season of Rock Star.

Kind of disturbing though, thinking of the Monturf rolling around on a stage screeching the lyrics to "Hot for Teacher", or me belching out "Runaround", but hey, it's America, and as Americans, we can't allow ourselves any dignified behavior...

It was disconcerting enough to see INXS stoop to such cheap chicanery. And it's very sad to see what was once probably the biggest rock band in the world having to resort to the same Barnum and Bailey antics to revive a career that's been dead for basically ten years.

Of course, perhaps they are just rumors and Eddie isn't going to do it. But I fear the worst. Really, after the debacle with Gary Cherone, followed by the bigger fiasco of Sammy coming back for a few months only to quit again... VH needs to just retire and stay retired, before they turn into a complete joke like KISS.

More Psychoanalysis of My So-Called "Heart"

Your Five Variable Love Profile

Propensity for Monogamy: Your propensity for monogamy is high. You find it easy to be devoted and loyal to one person. And in return, you expect the same from who you love. Any sign of straying, and you'll end things. Experience Level: Your experience level is medium. You probably have had a couple significant loves. And you may have even had your heart broken. But you haven't really dated a wide variety of people. Dominance: Your dominance is medium. You tend to be the one with more power. You aren't a total control freak in relationships.. But of course you don't mind getting you way! Cynicism: Your cynicism is medium. You'd like to believe in true and everlasting love... But you've definitely been burned enough to know better. You're still an optimist, but you also are a realist. Independence: Your independence is low. This doesn't mean you're dependent in relationships.. It does mean that you don't have any problem sharing your life. In your opinion, the best part of being in love is being together.

The Five Variable Love Test

"Just hook it to my veins!"

You Are Barney

You could have been an intellectual leader... Instead, your whole life is an homage to beer You will be remembered for: your beautiful singing voice and your burps Your life philosophy: "There's nothing like beer to give you that inflated sense of self-esteem."

The Simpsons Personality Test

My Candy Heart Sez...

Your Candy Heart Says "Get Real"

You're a bit of a cynic when it comes to love. You don't lose your head, and hardly anyone penetrates your heart. Your ideal Valentine's Day date: is all about the person you're seeing (with no mentions of v-day!) Your flirting style: honest and even slightly sarcastic What turns you off: romantic expectations and "greeting card" holidays Why you're hot: you don't just play hard to get - you are hard to get

What Does Your Candy Heart Say?

Quotes, Factoids and Mutterings for Feb. 6

Quote of the Day: "No one who who speaks German could be an evil man." - brain dead parole officer from The Simpsons episode "Cape Feare"

Today in History:

• 1508 - Maximilian I assumed the title of Holy Roman Emperor.
• 1952 - Elizabeth II acceded to the British throne upon the death of her father, King George VI. The coronation took place June 2, 1953.
• 1959 - The United States successfully test-fired for the first time a Titan intercontinental ballistic missile from Cape Canaveral.
  1998 - President Bill Clinton signed a bill changing the name of Washington National Airport to Ronald Reagan Washington National Airport.

Notable Births:

• 1895 - George Herman "Babe" Ruth, American baseball great.
• 1911 - Ronald Reagan, 40th President of the United States of America (1981-89), actor.
• 1945 - Bob Marley, Jamaican reggae musician.

Notable Deaths:

• 1993 - Arthur Ashe, American tennis player.
• 1998 - Carl Wilson, founding member of Beach Boys rock group.

Dave Comment for the Day: Yay!

Blog Things

Your Job Dissatisfaction Level is 30%

Your job is not bad, but it's probably not a long term thing. You're just not happy enough to stick around for too long... And there's little that can change how you feel. Start looking around for other options, but only quit for something really good!

Should You Quit Your Job?

You Are Kermit

Hi, ho! Lovable and friendly, you get along well with everyone you know. You're a big thinker, and sometimes you over think life's problems. Don't worry - everyone know's it's not easy being green. Just remember, time's fun when you're having flies!

The Muppet Personality Test

Super Bore XL

(YAWWWWWNNNNNN....) Yeah, not much of a game. Well, it got interesting for a little while in the third quarter and first bit of the fourth quarter, when Seattle made the big interception run back, and got it to within 14-10, and was driving again when Matt Hasselbach forgot that you aren't supposed to throw the ball to the other team.

Overall, what this Super Bowl proved is that there are no great teams in the NFL any more and mediocrity reigns supreme. Next year, the Steelers and Seahawks probably won't make the playoffs and two of the worst teams this year will be in the Big Game.

A few good commercials, but nothing great, either. My biggest boo, thumbs down, goes to yet another lame Godaddy.com ad that once again implies that all men are interested in is a big pair of milk bags. Granted, that's probably all the chick in the commercial has going for her, but she doesn't need to bother me. She can just go earn a few bucks down at the BYU creamery getting milked like the rest of the big dairy heifers...

And now, it seems that the long winter of discontent is now here. Well, there is college basketball through the end of next month... so all is not totally lost. The Olympics don't qualify as entertainment or even suitable coma-inducing viewing. Baseball isn't a sport until October. The NBA is just a bunch of pot-smoking, hoochie-impregnating losers who can't spell their own names, let alone play a decent game of ball. So, until mid-August, life is tough for the selective sports fan. I guess I'll have to go vacuum my truck or something like that...

A Lyric for the Evening...

I'd just like to post this fragment of a Rush song, called "One Little Victory", dedicated to someone I admire a lot for not quitting and giving up, in spite of all the odds and dark moments, and being a huge influence for good on me in the last year and a half...

"Celebrate the moment
As it turns into one more
Another chance at victory
Another chance to score

The measure of the moment
Is a difference of degree
Just one little victory
A spirit breaking free
One little victory
The greatest act can be
One little victory..."

Forgive me for my out of character sentimentality, but it's something I wanted to publicly say. Many, many thanks and rounds of applause to my Spirit Twin! You are truly Wonderful, even if you don't want to admit it. :-)

And now, we return you to my regularly scheduled bleatings of blasphemy and baffling bouts of bozo-ness... at least, maybe when I get my tax return filed ... which will happen when my accountant monkey crawls out of the cellar and lets go of the bottle full of sweet happy liquid long enough to make drunken calculations on my abacus ...

Planet of the Hormigas!

Yeah, that's right! Laugh all you want at my glo-in-the-dark ant "habitat", if you will. But soon, as my genetically altered pets, led by the angriest Ant of all time, Hormiga-Kong, the inhabitants of the earth will be systematically slaughtered and made slaves to my insect overseers. All shall suffer! All shall bow before me!

Nope, haven't been drinking, if that's what you're thinking... at least, not that much... I think ... wait, what day is it? Who am I? What's the bow tie and socks hanging off my left earlobe for?...

Help Save Dave! Campaign

Ok, so driving to work this morning, and stopped at light down by Geneva Road, I happened to notice Yet Another Ribbon sticker on the back of the vehicle in front of me. This one happened to be advertising support for war POWs and MIAs. Ok, fine and dandy, but there are so many of these things now. Support Our Troops. Get Us Out Now. Lance Armstrong's cancer research. And on. And on. And on.

So, I've decided to launch my own ribbon campaign. The Help Save Dave! Campaign will sell ribbons (I have not decided on a price yet) to help me raise funds to put a 60" flat panel HDTV in my room with an XBox 360 and funds to purchase fifty video games.

The ribbon design will commence as soon as I get home from work.