M-YAC is back

Hey there parents,

Dreading another summer with those damned teenage kids running around the house, driving you insane and causing all the hairs on your body to fall off?

Good news. The Monturf will shortly be starting up his Monturf Youth Auxiliary Camp again this spring. This year - through the miracle of wheel-less tricycles hooked to giant centrifuges - we'll be using all that needless youthful exuberance to churn butter into wheat.

Yeah, you heard right. And if you think that's not possible, you haven't seen our patented "encouragement management techniques" at work. We guarantee the little hoodlums will spin those centrifuges around fast enough to turn butter into wheat.

The wheat, of course, will be sold at ridiculously high prices to starving third world countries affected by famine, tsunamis, hurricanes and earthquakes.

By the end of the summer, your bouncy, jubilant and oh-so-obnoxious teen will be reduced to a baggy-eyed skeleton who only wants to sleep 22 hours a day - thus assuring that you, Oh Good Parent, are freed from the hideous responsibility of having to deal with them.

So, for a profitable and teen-free summer, call 1-800-DIE-KIDS for the M-YAC Summer Back Crack Attack special.