Turkey Day...

Hello, America.

Enjoy stuffing your faces while millions of people around the world die from lack of food, clean water and mosquito nets.

Just kidding. I think we should pig out and feel good about it. And then ship all our turkey bones, plastic bags and empty soda cans to third world countries and let that be our contribution their well being. Everyone hates America. It's time we hated them all back.

So let us all celebrate Global Hatred with good food, family and being as slothful as possible.

Then grab some pumpkin pie and tune in to the National Geographic channel to cackle as people drop like flies in the desert wastes of Africa.

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P.S. Also, I should let you all know that I spoke with Jesus, Allah, Buddha and several of the major Hindu deities, along with Santa Claus and the Great Pumpkin, and they told me this: they all hate the New England Patriots too. They've decided that Belichick, Brady and Co. will spend eternity in the lowest depths of hell along with rapists, child molesters, Nazis, ACLU lawyers, Hillary Clinton, Rosie O'Donnell...etc etc, hanging upside down from trees with their faces in warm, fetid animal feces. Forever.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Except for the upper Northeast, of course.