Av Evening With Da M-Turf...

You know, me and the Monturf have been pretty hard on the senior-citizen class in the Grand Vista lately. It made me think of these sad, lonely people, sitting in their darkened apartments. Waiting to die, alone.

I thought, I really must do something about the situation. Like, help them to die faster.

Presenting: The Dr. Daveorkian Geezer-Jumbo-Flush. The toilet that helps you end it all. Inspired by one-legged Jane, who was always complaining about her lack of mobility. So, thought I, what would happen if she fell down the loo and got flushed? It'd be pretty funny And then, "ding!" the light-bulb went on. "Let's give ALL old people the same opportunity. Then they'd be dead and we'd have peace and quiet!"

So, the Geezer-Jumbo-Flush is built specifically with the end in mind. Just squat, and flush. No more worries. For added convenience, a built-in recorder is available in our Premium Geezer-Jumbo-Flush model, so the departing geezer may leave any last words of wisdom (or more complaints...) to family, friends, neighbors, or the spider in the corner.

Help make America a better place to live. Help us get rid of old people. Buy a senior citizen a Dr. Daveorkian Geezer-Jumbo-Flush today. Available at all your finest weirdo outlet stores.

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New Mexican soap opera for you: "Mexican Man-Hooch". Following Desperate Housewives, of course. Who will Bernardo conquer next? "Hey babe, you wanna see my chalupa? Si, seniorita, yo se que lo quieres tocar."

Monturf nearly died when I told him this idea. He said his brain is currently packing for a Caribbean vacation.